New Job -- Sort Of, Part Deux

Well, two days into the temp job, and it's OK. I don't really need to go into a lot of detail. It will be a great job for somebody, someday. Maybe me. I'm really ambivalent about it. The job means more money for me now, but at what price later. I am going to school for a reason, and this job could impede my progress. On the other hand, it really is a walk in the park. The pay is more than adequate and maybe it would be good to have a job where I don't have to worry. I've already written more than I intended at this point. Obsessing about work is one of those triggers I have to manage.

What I really wanted to write about was how I seem to be reliving my life at an accelerated speed. It began three years ago, when I bought my condo. It's three blocks from my first Chicago apartment. I use the same L stop I used twenty years ago. I'm back in school, like I was twenty years ago. And now, this new job takes me out to Skokie on the same bus line I used for my first Chicago job twenty years ago. I'm waiting tables back at the same restaurant where I was waiting tables twenty years ago. I'm even obsessing about the perfect unattainable man again. Is this the definition of a rut?

Actually, a rut might be a step up. This is a return. I've been places and done things, and here I am back where I started. And in my darker moments that's how this all feels. But most of the time I use all of these parallels as a yardstick to measure growth. Yes, I'm living mere yards from where I started, but now I own my own home. I'm traveling up to Skokie, but it isn't for a twelve-hour shift at Sears. I'm waiting tables, but it's in a cafe for which I'm responsible. I'm in school, but it's for a master's degree. And I'm obsessing over the unattainable man, but now it's more of a hobby -- something I'm conscious of and indulge, and not something that is painful.

Right now my biggest challenge is how to manage my relationship with the restaurant. If I was offered a permanent job with this company, I'd take it. But, it's only permanent and I'm imagining that the soonest it will end is six weeks, and could drag on for twelve. I don't think it will go much past that before they make me permanent, but I could be wrong. It all hinges on the hiring of a new CEO and what he wants to do with human resources. And that is probably two weeks away, and then I'm imagining another two weeks before he comes on board, and then a month before he addresses human resources. It's not a major issue with this company. But if this does turn out to be temporary and I quit the restaurant, in six weeks I could be up a creek without a paddle. What to do?

I guess I did want to write about my job situation. This is very dangerous territory for me.