"Hello, my name is HamActor and I'm an addict..."

It's been about seven years since I've gone to work and not thought that at some point someone might pop up and fire me. In 1999 I left a job and they hired three people to replace me, so I knew my position was secure there. But even there, the first year was pretty tense. I didn't really calm down until I read my first review and got my first raise. At virtually every job since then I've fretted, even though I've always gotten above average raises. Furthermore, if there is anyone who doesn't have to worry about employment, it really is me. I'm a crackerjack HR manager, I have stellar clerical skills, I'm a certified bartender and I've waited tables for twenty years.

Still, I'm a temp in a job I think I'm going to like with a firm that is great. Today, however, there was a misunderstanding that was completely not my fault. Yet it still made me look bad. I was the one who salvaged the situation and made everyone else look good. But I spent the entire day expecting the call saying that I wasn't working out and that I should go home. I was told I would be getting a big project, and when it didn't come to my desk, I was sure that was the sign I'd lost all credibility. Turns out the project isn't ready yet and I should get it tomorrow.

And this would be an example of the the type of reaction that is an addiction for me. I walked around with my stomach in knots, needing reassurance but not daring to ask for it. Finally, as I was leaving and they said, "See ya tomorrow," I was reassured that I had another day of employment.

Another, completely unrelated addiction, is to blogs. I don't have a couple of my regulars posted, not because their naughty or anything, but because they are from people with whom I'm casually acquainted, and there's a part of me that thinks they might think I'm stalking them. I don't know one of the guys all that well, and I think we've spoken three words to one another. I'm not really interested in expanding the relationship, but I enjoy his blog. The second is actually a guy I don't particularly like. He's very much in love with himself, and as a rule I find that repulsive. But again, I find is blog entertaining.

I'll share some of my favorites in the near future.