Job Search

For the past few months I've been littering the cyberhighway with my resume. Specifically, I'm looking for a position that puts me into some form of communication office, preferrably in a not-for-profit development office. I've interviewed up and down the spectrum, from interships to management positions, but the reality is that I'm a flawed candidate. From my resume, I appear to job hop. To some extent this is true. However, all of my job changes have been strategic, securing developmental opportunities; and I've been very successful at building a career in human resources from nothing more than a smile and punctuality.

Now, as I begin at the bottom of a new career pile, I'm convinced that a smile is about all that is necessary to be successful in human resources. I've interviewed with a number of recruiters and I have to say the mental strength expended by companies in searching for talent is feeble. It is, almost without exception, either a perky blonde supressing a giggle, or a bitter brunette at some stage of a divorce. Yes, sexist, I know. But I have only been interviewed by one male recruiter -- and truth to tell, he was the worst of the worst.

The last interview was one for the books. I learned years ago that agencies are really scams. The least competent professionals scavenge resumes and try to pedal them to employers who either are too lazy or disinterested to do the real grunt work themselves. I've done recruiting and success is determined in reading all the resumes. There is software out there that will scan resumes for keywords to minimize the volume, but nothing beats taking an hour and flipping the pages. The worst job I had to recruit for received over six hundred resumes. It took me three days to log and read them and when I was finished the hiring manager decided to sort through them himself. When he made the hire I went back through my files and discovered he chose my number two pick. With all modesty, I can honestly say I know how to recruit.

So, I know when its not done well.

At my last interview I actually argued with the recruiter. Now, as brazen as the might sound, its not the first time I've had an argument in an interview. The first time was with a consulting firm where I was put through nine meetings in one day. In the last one I'd had enough and the consultant was as condescending as I've ever seen. Little did he know I'd invented the attitude and held the patent. He asked me how I would get one hundred and fifty recruiting brochures to a campus job fair. I told him I'd find the address, put them in a box and send them overnight, scheduled to deliver after I'd arrived. He pressed on, wanting to know exactly how I'd do it. I told him that I would count the brochures, beginning with one and stopping when I'd reached one hundred and fifty. Then I'd find a box big enough to hold them all and seal it with yards and yards of packing tape. Then I'd fill out the airbill and deliver it, personally, to the mailroom.

I got the job.

Since then, I haven't been in an interview that has intimidated me. You either love me, or you don't. And if you don't, I don't want to work with you anyway. For a while I took to aggressively interviewing the prospective boss. I found that strategy didn't work too well as the boss likes to think he's in charge. Still, I go into every interview with the attitude that they have a job they need someone to do, and I can do it well. Do you have anything that I need -- beyond a paycheck? If not, we're probably not a match. Arrogant? Perhaps. But at this stage in my life I just don't have the energy to waste.

Back to my last interview...

The argument began innocently enough. Agencies sift through literally thousands of applicants a day. I'm sure it's exhausting. Still, I see no reason that a minium amount of decorum cannot be observed. My interview began with a summons from the waiting area by the recruiter yelling my name across the room. She began the interview before I was even seated; and when she sifted through the raft of paperwork I'd been required to complete, she began filling in the blank questions I'd not answered.

(For the record, I never answer the questions about salary on the application. I will be paid market price, based on my skills, and not based on the feeble salary of my last position. What I made at my last job is irrelevent to what I'll make in my next job. These questions are usually the lazy way of determining if you're at the right skill level for the position.)

Her first question was, "Why didn't you list when you graduated from high school?"

I am a college graduate, currently working on a masters degree and I think it is safe to assume I graduated high school. I responded, "I didn't answer that question because its an illegal question. You can't ask it." (Employers can assume you were seventeen or eighteen when you graduated high school, and from that can infer your age. Hiring, based on age, is illegal.)

She closed my folder and explained that she is paid, "thousands of dollars," to verify the information I provide. If she can't verify that I graduated from high school, she can't work with me.

I had a dilemma. This might be the pathway to future glory and happiness. Should I take a stand on principle, or should I just answer the stupid question?

When you reach a certain age, inevitably the interviewer is dying to know if you're married, and if not, why not. For women under forty there is the concern of children. For women over forty its the concern of a sexual predator. For men, they don't want no fags. At my last job, during the interview process, the senior manager spent twenty minutes dancing around the topic, knowing full well he couldn't ask. I evaded the question forever. I've had other managers look for wedding rings. I now wear one to every interview.

But back to my last interview.

I gritted my teeth and gave her my graduation date. She interrupted our interview three times to take phone calls. Then finally she asked why I was interested in an administrative assistant position in a marketing firm when clearly I had no experience, was more qualified for an HR management position, and had no demonstrable clerical skills.

I explained, as sweetly as I could, that I was making a career change and that I needed an entre into the world of communciation. I am not, I explained, looking for just any admin position, rather a very specific one partnering me with someone who is very successful in the communication field. This was the strategy I used to build my impressive HR career. Further, I explained, that my clerical skills were top notch, qualifying me for any job she chose.

That got her attention. I've interviewed enough administrative assistants to know that a competent one is worth his weight in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I've even moved one across a continent because the good ones are so rare. I happen to be a very good one.

Still, she wasn't completely convinced, so she dared me to take all of the Microsoft Office tests and a typing test immediately. Understand, I'd responded to a training coordinator position in a marketing firm. Clerical skills were not required, and I wasn't prepared to take any tests. Allegedly, each test takes thirty minutes. The longest I've ever taken was twenty minutes, and that was on software I'd never seen before. I also score well, and even sight unseen, I managed the unknown software competently. I'd had about enough of this bimbo, but I'd traveled an hour to get to the interview and I could spare the hour it was going to take to get through the tests. I accepted her challenge and smoked all four tests. She appeared impressed, but I left firmly believing I'd come across as an arrogant pig and would never hear from her again.

Since then, she's called with three jobs. Nothing has panned out yet, but I'm impressed that she'd even work with me. This either means I'm that good, or that good admins are that hard to find.

Keep posted for further job search details.