Tell Me You Love Me

It's official. Judging Amy is completely dead. TNT has removed it from its daytime lineup. That means when I need some good, old-fashioned solid acting of nearly turgid television scripts I have no where to turn. With the ending of Six Feet Under and The Sopranos, I'm left with Law & Order as my only television addiction. And that simply won't do.

So, I've been testing different series out, and the pickin's are slim. Recently I saw the premiere episode for the new Showtime series, Tell Me You Love Me. It is supposedly a realistic look at the modern American marriage.

Ick.

From this episode, not only have I surmised that marriage truly is a fate worse than death and to be avoided at all costs, at the end of the episode I wondered how people even stayed married. It's shot in very bleak tones. Even though it's shot in California it always looks like theres a blizzard moving in. The actors all deliver their lines, even the happy ones, in a flat monotone with as few facial expressions as is humanly possible while being conscious. The dialogue feels like it's the edited outtakes of a bad undergraduate improv class where you are taught that "the emotion of the moment" supercedes everything else, including just telling a damn good story.

"But it felt so real to me, professor."

"Then, it was real for the audience, Suzy, and how it feels is all that
matters in the theatre. Now, have you paid your tuition bill?"

Worse, all of the actors look alike. The single difference seems to be that the youngest couple -- the soon-to-be newlyweds are slightly darker and more casually groomed than the other two couples. The remaining women are damn near interchangeable blonds and if they are in a scene without their husbands you're hopelessly lost in following a storyline. One is trying to have a baby and the other is trying to have an orgasm, but damned if I know which is which.

But worst of all are the very explicit sex scenes. Don't get me wrong: I am not a prude. But they actually shot (if you'll pardon the pun) a male orgasm -- complete with discharge. No one -- NO ONE(!) wants to see that. There is no storyline in the world in which sperm is vital to the integrity of the scene. Exactly how do you rehearse that? The poor actor who has to act that scene actually holds his hand over his face in what can only be complete and utter humiliation.

"Boy, I'll bet Mom is so proud! I can't wait to put this credit in
the alumni newsletter."

Is this really the state of American television? Am I just melting away into middle-age prudery?

So, I'm officially stuck with Law & Order and praying to the uncaring entertainment gods that Dexter starts soon and is at least half as good as it's first season.

Or, God forbid, I may have to start reading books.