Why I Write

I started writing as a means of control. As a professional actor I had little of it, and the control seemed to diminish with each step up the ladder of success. I discovered that I wanted to tell my own stories and I didn't want them filtered through someone else's alleged talent. Writing serves as an artistic outlet that I desperately need. In my past, I've had many people in my life who were/are brilliant writers. I envy them. I envy the flow, the voice, the diction. My mother, who has a high-school education, is one of the best writers I know. She's clear, charming, funny, and articulate. I love reading her.

When I was in college, I idolized one of the upper classmen. He got all the lead roles and he was smart and ethical. I'm a sucker for someone with a personal moral code. And he wrote. I read one of his plays, and it was clever. He's a very successful novelist now, and I've read one of his novels. It's long and intricate, and not something I would have ever read if I didn't have a personal conection to the author, but after reading it I was exhilerated. In college I could never have played the roles that he played, but I could have written the novel of his that I read. Then a few years later I discovered another college mate was published. This one was also smart and funny, but even without reading his book I knew that it wasn't anything I couldn't better. I took both books as a personal challenge.

There are many other people I admire who are accomplished writers. Writing is just a small part of their talent that I envy/worship. And I am incapable of admiration without a smidgeon of competition. I believe in healthy competition.

I write because I am not as smart as I wish I was. I'm not witty. I'm thick tongued and emotional and I need the space to work out my thoughts. I need the pause to correct my statements, which when made in person seem to come out all wrong. By writing, I feel like I have a chance with some of the people that I admire. I could be a peer. And now, as I near the end of my degree, I find that I enjoy writing. I'm thrilled at the possibility of it all. Writing my fiction is an adventure. I've done enough to know that when it goes well, there is no control, that I'm at the mercy of inspiration, but it's all mine.

I'm not yet widely read, but I think that some day, soon, I may be.