Greatness

I want artistic greatness, and I want it NOW.

OK. I'll settle for artistic proficiency.

My problem is that I want to do it all, and I want to do it all brilliantly. I'm a little scattered right now, and blogging falls to the bottom of my priority list. I spent the weekend updating my photography site and turning down work. I was contacted by a rather creepy wedding photo broker and it took me about an hour to decide to turn down the two weddings he was offering. At this stage in my development, it's not modesty when I say that any wedding that would want me as their lead photographer is probably a wedding I don't want to photograph. The deeper I get into this, the more I learn I have more to learn. There are the technical aspects of mastering f-stops and apertures and artistic considerations like composition and light placement. And doing it on a budget doesn't help.

But, if I've learned anything, it's to enjoy the moment and right now I am enjoying the learning and the mistakes. I'm quite certain that on my deathbed I will look back at this period as my most daring.

And, slowly, I'm starting to see a small, drip of income from my photographic endeavors. That's good. I learned from my days as an actor that means I've officially moved to the next rung. I'm not what you'd call a professional -- but I am being paid to point my camera at people and click the shutter. The time to take the next step will be soon.

Years ago I used to meet with friends and test audition material. In one of these meetings I read a Salieri speech from Amadeus. I just read it. My friends were laudatory to the point of giving me pause. The speech is Salieri in church begging God to give him the talent that matched his taste. Salieri is a second-rate talent, and he knows it. I can relate.

Then there's the writing, which is stalled. One story. Just one story more and then the first draft of the collection is complete. I have drafts of three, and they all suck ass. I've got a fourth one beginning to form and it's going to take discipline to get it out.

Ultimately, I'm beginning to think that discipline is really the secret to great talent. Just keeping at it, whatever it is, no matter what.

So, back to work.