Questions

Are you in a relationship?

Other than the completely thrilling and satisfying one in my head with RP, no.

Do you hate more than 3 people?

It's taken me a long time to distinguish between hate and anger. Do I hate more than three people? No. I'm not even sure I hate one person -- but I haven't really decided on George W. Bush yet. If I had to choose, I'd pick Mr. Bush and his mother as being the closest.

How many houses have you lived in?

4.

What is your favorite candy bar?

Do M&M's count? I am truly addicted to plain M&M's. I can't not leave a bag of any size unfinished.

What are your favorite shoes?

I don't get attached to shoes.

Have you ever tripped someone?

Not that I can remember.

Do you own a Britney Spears CD?

Sweet God, no.

Have you ever thrown up in public?

Actually on several occasions. Only once when I was drunk, and then I did it spectacularly on a dance floor when they turned on the strobe lights. I threw up on three different people and a wall. I've thrown up twice at the gym while working out, and twice when I forced myself to go to work and heaved in the street. On those occasions it was well before the sun had come up, so no one saw.

Name something that's always on your mind?

Whether or not I'm making a good impression.

What is your favorite music genre?

This changes with my moods and the seasons. It's autumn now, so I tend more toward jazz and single-instrument classical. I love the Los Angeles Guitar Quartet. Right now I'm also getting into Patti LuPone, Il Divo. I'm just coming out of a Tim McGraw phase.

What is your sign?

Sagitarius

What time were you born?

10:30 a.m.

Do you like beer?

Christmas, 2003, I had a party where I purchased two cases of beer. This past August I threw two thirds of that beer away.

Have you ever made a prank call?

Yes. Lori, from across the street and I spent an afternoon making crank calls and recording them. She pretended to be a four-year-old whose cat was having kittens. And there used to be a way that you could dial a number and when the other end answered all they heard were a series of clicks. I lived in a small town and I'm still not sure they have touch-tone phones yet.

What is the most embarrassing CD you own?

I have two Backstreet Boys CD's. They're packed away now, but there was one summer that they were my own personal sound track.

Are you sarcastic?

Not so much anymore. But having said that, I do have sarcasm down to a fine art. I don't even have to raise an eyebrow. It's something that I can beckon at will and wither everything within a thirty-foot radius. My own special super power.

What are your favorite colors?

Lately I find myself attracted to different shades of yellow. Again, this changes with my mood and the seasons.

How many watches do you own?

That work? Two. I just threw out a very expensive one that had been given to me as a gift by someone who is not longer a friend. The crystal had been accidentally smashed and the battery was dead. Too much trouble to repair.

Summer or winter?

Either, assuming I'm looking at either of them through glass inside a climate-controlled environment.

Spring or fall?

Either. It depends on how brutal the preceding season had been. But as a general rule, I'm always very happy to spring, and sometimes a little sad to see fall.

What is your favorite color to wear?

The vast majority of my clothes are solid, neutrals. If I do wear a color it's cobalt blue. On rare occasions I'll wear a red tone.

Pepsi or Sprite?

Diet Coke, the elixir of life

What color is your cell phone?

I just got my first cell phone. It's silver.

Where is your second home?

I don't know that I have one. I've always imagined that when I retire I'll go back to the town where I grew up. Like for maybe a week before I intended to die, just so whomever is planning my burial won't have to ship the body.

However, my spiritual second home is Paris.

Have you ever slapped someone?

Only on stage.

Have you ever had a cavity?

Yes, and I'm in the process of having all of my fillings replaced for the second time.

How many lamps are in your bedroom?

2, not including the overhead fixture, which I'm changing.

How many video games do you own?

1,

What was your first pet?

Cocoa. He was a little brown puppy my father accidentally ran over with his car. I was three at the time and I remember both my parents being very upset when they told me he ran away.

Have you ever had braces?

Yes. For all four years of high school. They were removed the week I went away to college.

Do looks matter?

Yes, in many subtle and mysterious ways.

Do you use chapstick?

No.

Name 3 teachers from your high school:

John Sether, Julie Gibson, Betty Fedje.

American Eagle or Abercrombie?

Ick!

Are you too forgiving?

No. But I'm pretty slow to be offended. Once offended, however, I never forget.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?

I don't own any sex toys.

What is your favorite breakfast?

The roasted pear french toast at Nookies.

Do you own a gun?

No. I did have a BB gun for a while as a kid, but like my first puppy, it seemed to have run away from home.

Have you ever thought you were in love?

Yes.

When was the last time you cried?

I can't remember the last time I wept uncontrollably. But I was watching Notting Hill, and the ending always makes me a little misty.

What did you do 3 nights ago?

I fell asleep very early.

When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?

I think I've been once, in the late '80's.

Have you ever called your teacher mom?

No, but I've called a few a mother.

Have you ever been in a castle?

Yes. Versaille. I don't really know if that counts as a castle, but it is a palace, so it's almost the same thing.

What are your nicknames?

Scooter. And there are a few people I'll allow to call me Scotty. My sister will call me Ping.

Do you know anyone named Bertha?

I used to. When feeling festive, she'd wear acrylic wigs to work.

Have you ever been to Hawaii?

The closest I've come is the Brady Bunch episode.

Do you own something from Banana Republic?

Many things, and all purchased on e-Bay.

Are you thinking about somebody right now?

No.

Have you ever called someone Boo?

I'm not cute enough.

Do you own a diamond ring?

I'm not cute enough.

Are you happy with your life right now?

For the most part, yes. I'm going to miss when school ends, and I'll be happy when things at work settle down, but those are minor complaints.

Does anyone like you?

This is practically a job requirement. Yes, people like me.

What were you doing May of 1994?

Talk about being unhappy. I was waiting tables and coming to the realization that fame and fortune were not just around the corner. I had quit my job and was determined to become a professional.

McDonald's or Wendy's?

If I'm starving, and there are absolutely no other options, Wendy's.

Do you like yourself?

Most of the time.

Favorite feature of the opposite sex?

I'm gay. In women, I like wit. In men I like beauty.

Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

Have you ever eaten paste?

Not that I recall.

Do you have a webcam?

Actually, yes. It's installed on my computer at work.

Have you ever stripped?

No.

Diamonds or pearls?

Pearls are always unexpected.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Queens.

What are your favorite TV shows?

I am a Law & Order junkie. I miss Judging Amy. I'm addicted to Project Runway, and I never miss Dancing with the Stars.

What did you have for breakfast?

Croissants and Diet Coke.

What is your middle name?

Carter.

What is your favorite cuisine?

Pizza. I know it's not "cuisine," but I'm simple.

What foods do you dislike?

I tend to avoid any cuisine from India to Eastern Europe.

What is your favorite CD at the moment?

I'm in transition.

What kind of car do you drive?

I do not now, nor have I ever, nor do I ever expect to own a car. Consider that my sacrifice to the environment.

Favorite sandwich?

Leona's Meatball Sandwich.

What characteristics do you despise?

Having an air of superiority.

What are your favorite clothes?

I have a pair of cargo shorts I love.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

Lake Como.

What color is your bathroom?

Pink and gray.

Favorite brand of clothing?

Banana Republic.

Where would you want to retire to?

I'd like to retire to a small resort community on a lake in Minnesota.

Favorite time of day?

Between 3 and 7 a.m. When I'm in a productive groove, waking up at 3 a.m. and working for those first four hours are almost heaven.

Where were you born?

Sioux City, IA.

Favorite sport to watch?

I always figure there is no real point to watching sports. If you're interested, you should be doing them. I feel that way about singing. I don't really need to hear anyone sing. I'd rather just do it myself.

Are you a morning person or night owl?

I'm definitely a morning person. For me, it's almost all down hill after noon.

What did you want to be when you were little?

I wanted to be an oceanographer. My father bought me a snorkel one summer and when I realized that all water wasn't a sparkly clear as it was on Flipper, I lost interest.

What is your best childhood memory?

My father tended to be a little crusty. He took in free-lance work at home, and painted signs in the basement. When he was working, my sister and I had to be very quiet. One night, we'd been put to bed on the pull-out sofa, and my grandmother was watching Lawrence Welk. She said she saw something outside the window. When Carol and I looked, we caught just a very quick glimpse of Santa Claus. We started screaming because when he'd seen us we were being good. My father came up from the basement and gave us hell. It was several years after his death, when I was in my 20's before I ever knew that it was him in a Santa mask peeking in the window.

Eye Color?

It depends on what I'm wearing. Anywhere from gray to cornflower blue.

Ever been toilet papering?

No.

Favorite day of the week?

Sundays when I don't have to get up and serve people breakfast. I feel almost human on those occasions.