Good Day/Bad Feelings

I had a good day at work. I negotiated a contract and brought it in 13% under the industry standard. I played a key role in finishing a major project -- although to be perfectly fare my key role was merely getting people to the table and making them do all the actual ugly work. And I received mild support for a project that really should have been ripped to shreds. And I explained in painful detail why a company policy that has been in place for centuries violated federal law. My explanation included the argument that by following the law instead of the illegal policy I was not unilaterally setting my own policy. Because the policy has been so long standing, my boss is doing his own research into the issue. But I'm right and I know I'm right. It was a good-natured discussion, and it's a point I know I'll win, so I'm not worried.

But I still left work feeling like a ragged, mismatched shoe.

What a great way to feel when you're going to audition for a solo.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have no illusions about my voice. I can carry a tune, and if called upon will not embarrass myself if I have to sing something. I've held my own in duets with trained opera singers and won several competitions. But there are better voices than mine, and certainly better musicians.

So, I went to the audition not particularly nervous. There were a couple pieces I thought my voice was right for and I expressed interest in them -- one in particular. I sang something that I'm sure 47 other people sang, but it was something that was a little unexpected from me, and it went well, so I felt good.

When I arrived, another baritone was auditioning. He's got a good voice, but he's not really a very dynamic performer. A little drab. The director was working pretty intensely with him on a piece, coaxing notes from him and he sounded great. But it was a piece that didn't really require any personality, and I'm not interested in it, so have at it my friend.

Then my turn came. I sang my little ditty. Then, "because I asked about it," the director walked me through part of one of the numbers, and then part of a second one and then said, "That one's too high. Thank you." I don't think I'm a serious consideration for any of the things I sang. But the one song I specifically asked to sing, we didn't cover. And I'm fine with it. Until...

There is another baritone who is clearly the director's darling. He has a marvelous voice -- different from mine -- but he also gets all of the good solos. My voice is at least good enough to carry the song I want. If this other baritone gets the solo without my having gotten a shot at it I'm going to pissed.

Pissed.