The Power of Innocence

Work continues to be dramatic, but I'm in favor again so all is good. I'm able to achieve favor because when someone merely mentions something, I get it done immediately. Like finding an administrative assistant in the heart of Chicago who speaks Chinese and English. And is expert in all of the Microsoft Office products. And will work for less than $40,000. I found two. And he didn't like either one of them so I have to keep looking.

And there are those who would fall off their chairs if they knew that in my office I'm actually considered too nice. I'm not. I just have them believing that I am. I've found a source of almost infinite power in my "aw-shucks" persona. In my last job I was firing someone almost every day. Some of them deserved it, and many did not. To say that it's an emotional drain to continually fire people who know three words of English and have almost no hope of replacing their $8 an hour job is an understatement. The only way I could get through it was to become more upset than the employee. If you frowned, I'd let a tear come to my eye. I you sniffled, I cried. If you cried, I wailed. If you wailed, I keaned. You get the idea. As selfish as it sounds, I turned the entire situation into being about me so the employee was either concerned about me, or thought I was a raging ass. Either way, the exit interviews didn't last very long and I was able to get on with my day.

I've found that the strategy of shifting the focus of an awkward situation on to me can make things easier. Yesterday we had to confront an employee who is obviously stealing. The CFO wants him fired, the employee's boss doesn't want to do that. The meeting started to get tense, so I changed the subject from the employee to me and asked the employee to educate me on his spending habits. He tried to shovel me a load, but because I could ask questions under the guise of not understanding how the business works, we were easily and painlessly able to trap him in his web of lies.

"Golly. You mean the company doesn't mind if you spend four thousand dollars taking the distributors for your side business to Las Vegas? Can that possibly be right?" And by the way, the innocent rube routine only works with blue eyes. If you have green or brown eyes, you can't possibly pretend to be as stupid as I have to pretend to get my job done. Still, I'm doing something right because the CFO -- the man who hates everyone -- said I'm the only person in the company who deserves a bonus this year. Given the bonus pool is nearly a million dollars, I should make out pretty well.