Whoring

Things are going well as I assemble a portfolio of actor's headshots. So far I've taken about six hundred shots, and I'd say that about 5% are shaping up to fee worthy. Considering I've been at it for about a week, I'm pleased with the progress.

One of my models was an acting student from Northwestern. I met him briefly for coffee about a week before the shoot. Since these shoots are taking place in my home for now, I want to be sure of who I'm letting in. We chatted and during the course of the conversation I suggested that he bring a friend along, to make him feel more comfortable. They both showed up an hour-and-a-half late, but their entitled Northwestern students, so it's pretty much what I expected.

Anyway, the shoot went well. The kid loved the camera, and the camera loved him. He and his friend chatted away, almost as if I wasn't there and that was fine. He is gay, and I was sort amused with his comfort with that fact and that these two kids were just chatting about boyfriends.

The model was talking about a young man he'd dated recently who dumped him. The reason given was, "Our musical tastes are so different, and well I'm really looking for someone a little more masculine."

A little more masculine? Not Russel Crowe, not Brad Pitt, but not Zac Efron. Really someone who falls somewhere in between.

Now, understand that although this model's pictures came out looking almost thug-like, he's an educated kid coming out with a degree in drama. But he also wasn't swathed in marabou and rhinestones. He is smart, funny, charming, and very good looking. Now, no doubt he has his warts. In fact, I know he has his warts because I retouched them. But falling on the paler end of the masculinity spectrum isn't a reason to break up with someone. I might accept that you wouldn't necessarily date someone who made you uncomfortable, but masculine mannerisms are pretty apparent. You either got 'em, or you aint.

Anyway, I was just struck at how disposable people are to one another, especially for younger people. I've always had the opposite problem. Wrongly, as it turns out, I've always looked at friendship as a life-long bond. Sure, the relationship can change and friends can drift in and out of my life, but I'd like to think that the people who were my friends in college are my friends today.

There have been people I've discarded, but they've been discarded for very specific, well-thought-out reasons. In fact, I have gone out of my way to actually articulate those reasons and formally end more than one friendship. Those situations never go well and I've since learned it's best to just let those friendships fade away.

But, I understand that I'm sort of a social freak in those respects. God knows on more than one occasion I've been someone's best friend on Monday and virtually invisible to them on Tuesday. As a result I'm a little slower to peg someone as a friend, just because I like them. But I absolutely refuse to build relationships in my life because a person might represent some sort of material advantage. If that's the basis of the relationship, I do not pretend that person is a friend. I'm pleasant and all, but there are boundaries and I don't pretend any sort of emotional attraction or commitment. There's a word for people who pretend emotional attractions or commitments for material gain.

But I admired the model's resiliency. It was clear that he'd been used and although I have no idea what his inner-most feelings about that fact were, he didn't seem too upset by that fact. He didn't like it, but he seemed to move on easily. I admired that.

But then again, at what point does maintaining boundaries end, and emotional whoring begin?