Getting Serious

In previous times when out of work and looking for a job, in the back of my mind there was always the gnawing fear, "What if no one will hire me?" It's a debilitating fear that feeds itself and could literally cripple me. When I got calls for interviews I would try to figure out ways to disguise that fear, but I don't think I was ever very successful. Ultimately I was hired by a company that wanted someone who was afraid of being unemployed, and they used that fear against me for a long time.

This time around the question isn't whether I'll be hired, but when I'll be hired. Sure, as I sit down to pay my bills and see the huge chunks those payments are taking from my savings I do get a little nervous, but I'm not afraid. The truth is that I'm enjoying my time off. I'm enjoying the freedom. Now, if only someone would pay me and provide me with health insurance to do what I'm doing, I'd be thrilled.But the freedom and flexibility is what I'm prizing. Yes, I'm sending out resumes (fourteen today) but I can't say that I'm really enthused about many of the jobs. One or two have possibilities, though.

But the other day I hit on an idea that I think might address a couple of problems. If I follow through on it, I'd be without health insurance for a year, but that's a gamble I think I'm willing to take. Tomorrow I'm going to sit down and create the formal pros and cons list and then I'm going to talk with a friend who I think can provide particular insight. I'll know more later and don't want to say too much until I've fully decided a course of action. But this idea has me pretty excited.

Work on the short stories is progressing. I'm doing one now that is a little more complex than most of my others and may evolve into a novella. In the past I've held tightly to a predetermined structure, but this one I'm letting roll out as it will.