Beliefs

Back in the late '80's I used to be a huge Oprah fan. I even went to a taping when the guest was Goldie Hawn. It was fun. Over the years my television-viewing habits have evolved. I don't watch Oprah anymore for two reasons. The first is that her basic message hasn't changed: "You can do anything if you simply believe in yourself." I have internalized that message and don't need to spend an hour a day reinforcing it with Oprah. The second reason is that, well, Oprah seems to take herself a little too seriously. I have an enormous respect for Oprah, and I can't say that I blame her for being impressed with herself. She has a lot of reason. Still, I liked Oprah best when she was reaching for something, improving upon her accomplishments and now that she's achieved almost all that is humanly possible, I don't feel like she's in the struggle with me. Sure, she's been more successful than any human has a right to dream of. But that success has grown to mythical proportions and I want to find inspiration with someone who is achieving success, not someone who has already achieved it.

All of that said, from time to time I check in with Oprah, just to see what's going on. At some point I heard her tell a guest, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." I don't remember the context, but I've heard that as a message of how to critically evaluate whether to include a person into your life. I've been skeptical and resisted the message because anyone can have a bad day. Anyone is capable of doing some horrible thing or saying something terrible that is inconsistent with his or her overall character. Since I'm a master of editing people out of my life on a whim, I take such needlepoint philosophies much as I would a loaded gun. I handle them with great care.

Still, there are times when such bromides ring true. Another is that the mark of real intelligence is the ability to simultaneously entertain two conflicting concepts. This, for me, is a much more dynamic thought and allows me to accept people in their complexity a little more easily. That's not to say I don't sum people up and categorize them -- judge them, if you will -- on a moment's notice. But what it does mean is that I struggle more with categorizing people, particularly categorizing them as evil. No one, sane person believes himself to be evil, so each action of his usually comes from some place 'not evil."

Which brings me back to Oprah and another insight. "There are really only two emotions: fear and love. Everything else is some form of those two." Once you can understand that what might appear to be evil is really an action motivated from fear, it's easier to understand if not accept.