I'm a giddy, silly little girl. I've just come back from the gym, where I saw RP for the first time in months. I was beginning to worry that he'd found some other gym. Of course I only waved at him after he waved at me from his treadmill. He has this nervous little habit of adjusting his baseball cap. Oh. My. God! Next thing you know I'm going to start writing his name on my notebook and drawing little hearts around it.
I suppose the longer I put off talking to him, the bigger an event it becomes, and if I make it a big enough event one of two things will happen. Either I'll wait long enough and he'll start dating someone else, if he hasn't already, or I'll whip this up into such a monumental task that I'll simply walk away -- like trying to master brain surgery in a weekend. What would be the point?
It's not like I have all my self worth wrapped up in this. If I'm rejected and held up to public ridicule, exposed on the Internet as a delusional pervert, I think I could graciously survive that. But the question becomes do I have to? If I'm virtually assured of being shot down -- as I'm certain I would be -- then why do I entertain this fantasy? Probably because "virtually assured" isn't "absolutely certain."
And, he's really, really totally cute!
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