Just a few quick lines before I go to bed. The schedule these days is quite tight. These next three weeks will be nothing but work, school, work, school. Discipline, never my strong suit, will be the only thing that gets me through.
No fully-developed profound thoughts of late. In general, life is good. But when I get a little overwhelmed, I allow myself to slip into fantasy thoughts of RP. The truth of it is that RP doesn't really exist. He's almost completely a creation of my imagination with a face I've borrowed from reality. Yesterday a friend asked if I'd ever talk to the real RP. I said no, probably not. The fantasy would then be spoiled, no matter how terrific the real RP is. Best to leave this particular fantasy alone.
Ah, but how sweet it would be if RP could be real. In my madder moments I wonder if it might be worth the gamble. And at times when I'm stressed and under the gun, that's when I'm most likely to do something stupid.
I wonder if every person is allotted a number of truly stupid moves before he's granted complete bliss. If that's the case, trying to run from them is really the most stupid thing of all. Happiness will always be five thousand stupid moves away, and by not taking a risk you may prevent yourself five thousand awkward moments, but you virtually guarantee yourself being isolated from happiness.
Something to think about, I suppose. And if and when I'm ready to lose RP, I might take that risk. But for now, I'm enjoying slipping to the fantasy world too much.
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