We Interrupt This Program...

Just when I was convinced that no one really read this blog, today I received a comment to one of my posts. Frustratingly, the commentator did not give me enough clues to identify him/her. The single clue about the Bible narrows the potential list to approximately forty people -- and that's only if I'm interpreting the clue properly.

My senior year in high school, I fell during P.E. class basketball game, shattering my right arm. The break required a week's hospital stay and two corrective surgeries. Because I had been so deeply crushed when I didn't get the lead in the fall musical earlier that year, my high school drama coach chose a play specifically for me in the spring, Inherit the Wind. She called me while I was in the hospital and told me that I didn't even have to audition, but to let her know if I was going to do the show or not because she'd choose something else if I didn't. Even though it was an old-man part, it was a lead and in my vanity I snapped at it.

(As a side note, that was my last old-man role. In college I was cast in more age-appropriate roles, and then when I began acting professionally I was cast as children well into my thirties. I even played my fair share of romantic, leading roles. Still vain after all these years.)

Anyway, here's the part of the comment that really took the wind out of my sails:

"...That's why I'd like to make amends with you. I was a horrible person to you through high school. Part ignorance, part jealousy, and part competetiveness...and all centered on my low self-esteem. I dragged others down because I felt down.I certainly would not expect you to accept my apology, but I am offering it nonetheless. Without putting my name out there for all to see, let me just tell you that the names John Sether and Gibby mean as much to me as they do to you. And that I sometimes still find myself standing on stage balancing a book in each hand under a banner that says 'Read Your Bible.'"

If I remember correctly, there was a banner on stage of that production that read, "Read Your Bible." If I was really interested, I would dig up the year book to see.

The truth is I'm not. The comment takes me aback simply because for a split second I'm that awkward kid again, desperately wanting to be the romantic lead and having to settle for playing old men. I was an odd kid in high school, with an odd family situation, trying to grapple with all of that, while working out the gay demons. I had a circle of friends, but they weren't what you might call trust worthy. They were the people that I felt the least uncomfortable with. I did what I could to fit in and prayed that graduation would come so that I could move on with my life and put all of that behind me. Now, looking back at that time I recognize that it played a big part in who I became, both positively and negatively. My years in high school defined the world for me. It was tough, but I'm probably the better person for it.

But that description of high school could fit anyone. Hell, it probably fits everyone.

Because of the quirky little details, I'm choosing to accept the comment as legitimate. Recently I read another blog where the blogger received a similar comment. It's just possible that we were both the random recipients of someone's attempt to make himself feel better about how he treated someone else in his high school. Or maybe we're the victims of yet another high school-related joke.

So, as a little side comment to my personal commentator...Without really knowing who you are, consider your apology accepted. I'm no longer defined by my high school experience and don't look to those people anymore to validate me. I appreciate your well wishes and return them.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...