Year End Review

1. Was 2006 a good year for you?
Yes. New job, not having to work the holidays. Holidays with family.

2. What was your favorite moment(s) of the year?

Christmas with my mother and sister.

3. What was your least favorite moment(s) of the year?

Having to tell my new boss, the one who insisted on hiring me, that he was in danger of losing his job.

4. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Aside from the afore mentioned conversation with my boss --- I never actually flirted with a straight boy, until yesterday.

5. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I guess I did. I got a new job.

6. Where were you when 2006 began?

Probably asleep because I had to work on New Year's Day.

7. Who were you with?

Yeah, right.

8. Where will you be when 2006 ends?

I will probably be sitting on a sofa watching a movie.

9. Who will you be with when 2006 ends?

I'll be with my friends J&A.

10. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Sadly, we're not very close but one of the few people I have immense respect for had his second daughter. I need to send congratulations.

11. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?

No. I've had them all installed with Lojacks.

12. Who did you miss?

I've given up missing people. There are people who seem to drift in and out of my life, but I've spent to much time pining after people. If I want to talk to someone, I pick up the phone or dash off an e-mail.

13. Who was the best new person you met in 2006?

I have to say that the person I like the most is K. The person who inspires me the most is C. And the person I respect the most is the CEO at my new job.

14. What was your favorite month of 2006?

I'd have to say July because the first week of that month was my first paid vacation in more than three years!

15. Did you travel outside of the US in 2006?

No, but if all goes as planned there will be a different answer in 2007.

16. How many different states did you travel to in 2006?

Just one. Arizona.

17. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Lost weight. Between work, school, and the chorus, I just can't find the time to get to the gym. That has changed in the last two weeks. I also need to pay more attention to what I eat. More vegetation, and (sadly) less cheese.

18. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

February 9 is the only date that comes to mind. That's the day I started my new job.

19. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting an A- from a professor who I thought I despised.

20. What was your biggest failure?

I don’t believe in failure.

21. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No. I'm disgustingly healthy.

22. What was the best thing you bought?

The train ticket for my mother to travel to my sister's house for Christmas. The two of them had not seen each other in fifteen years.

23. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I can't think of anyone...

24. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

George W. Bush.

25. Where did most of your money go?

I think to White Hen, where I've been buying most of my lunches for the past year.

26. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I don't get really, really, really excited about anything any more.

27. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?

Probably not enough. I had a doctor tell me once that I needed to start drinking.

28. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2006?

I don't do drugs. It's an event if I take an aspirin.

29. Did you treat somebody badly in 2006?

Not exactly. There is a woman in my office who I don't particularly like. After a meeting she cornered me in my office and confronted me. She asked if she'd done anything to offend me and I said, "No." That answer offended her and she demanded more, so I turned the tables around on her and asked her why she was so confrontational. I don't like it when somebody realizes that I don't like them.

30. Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?

Oddly, there were moments when the CEO could have been more kind, but I now see that he was testing his management team to see how much stress they could take. I think I passed.

31. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Compared to this time last year, I'm more gainfully employed and as a result I'm enjoying life more.

32. What do you wish you'd done more of in 2006?

Developed new friendships.

33. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Watched television. In college, a friend described television as the great time thief. He was right.

34. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Really, truly, madly, deeply in love? No. But every three or four weeks I develop a new crush.

And then, of course, there is RP.

35. What was your favorite TV program(s)?

I vowed not to get sucked into a new show, but (in no particular order) the top three were Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, and Dexter.

36. What song will always remind you of 2006?

"Evening Prayer” from Englebert Humperdink's opera Hansel and Gretl.

37. How many concerts did you see in 2006?

None. However, I performed in three.

38. Did you have a favorite concert in 2006?

I'd have to say the Christmas concert for CGMC.

39. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Il Divo.

40. What was the best book you read?

Actually, I enjoyed Anna Karenina. I don't have enough time to read for pleasure.

41. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hands down, Little Miss Sunshine. It was like a modern morality play.

42. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My birthday falls smack dab in the middle of the holidays. I slept. I turned Old.

43. What did you want and get?

I didn't want anything in particular. I wanted to be happy and I think I got a lot closer to that.

44. What did you want and not get?

There was this pair of boots on e-Bay...

45. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Falling really, truly, madly, deeply in love.

46. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Finding sleeves that are long enough.

47. What kept you sane?

When I get there, I'll let you know.

48. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I'll have to cast my vote for the most unoriginal of answers and go with Jake Gyllenhaal; although I have to say that the bloom is coming off the rose as he loses weight.

49. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

50. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

All by myself...
Don't want to be
All by myself
Anymore...

When Reality and Fantasy Collide

Sometimes when I'm bored I go out to Match.com and do some window shopping. There you find personal ads from men, all of whom describe themselves as some new, innovative shade of Prince Charming. Most of the ads demonstrate either the shocking similarity of the individuals of the human race, or its depressing banality. Originality is, apparently, not something that is prized on Match.com. Everybody is "not into the scene," and "normal." (As a little side note, I'm eternally entertained by the men who are too old to date themselves. They request that respondents not exceed a certain age, usually justifying it with their "untamed zest for life." Yes. I'm a twenty-three-year-old, muscle-bound fitness model and I'm just dying to date a forty-five-year-old, balding dentist. It could happen.)

Then one day just before the holidays I was stopped dead in my tracks. RP-- MY RP -- has a persoal ad posted on Match.com!

For those who have not followed this blog religiously, RP stands for "Real Prototype." That means that I have the ideal boyfriend all mapped out in my head, perfection on toast. From time to time I appropriate certain people to sort of symbolize this dream. At different times I've used Ben Affleck, Brendan Fraser, etc. But for the last two years, the role of RP has been played by someone who actually inhabits my real life. By that I mean he is a person whom I could actually speak to, actually pick up the phone and have a discussion with, and probably not be arrested as a stalker. The reality is that I've never said more than a dozen words to him. And if we do have any sort of conversation it's awkward, trading jokey insults. Just thinking about him makes me feel like a twelve-year-old girl, so being within earshot almost makes me a drooling idiot. But, to put a finer point on reality, he probably doesn't even really realize I exist beyond this adolescent patter. And it's all fine. I've appropriated him (without his knowledge) to play the starring role in my little romantic fantasy in my head. I know it's all silliness.

Still, that didn't mean my heart didn't flutter when I saw his picture posted for the world to see, advertising for a new boyfriend! Part of Match.com is a profile that the website uses to match people. Since it was free, I immediately filled it out to see how RP and I match.

We don't, really.

He doesn't read.

Anything.

Ever.

And he sites Carrie Bradshaw as his romance guru. Now, I like Sex and the City as much as the next gay, but I would hardly use that sitcom as my relationship touchstone. RP is nice enough, but he's just as shallow in real life as the persona I've created in my head. How is that possible?

I can't say I'm heart broken. And I don't even know if anything has to change. He can still be RP to me. But now I know for an absolute certainty there can be nothing real between us. Not like when RP was played by Ben Affleck.

We Interrupt This Program...

Just when I was convinced that no one really read this blog, today I received a comment to one of my posts. Frustratingly, the commentator did not give me enough clues to identify him/her. The single clue about the Bible narrows the potential list to approximately forty people -- and that's only if I'm interpreting the clue properly.

My senior year in high school, I fell during P.E. class basketball game, shattering my right arm. The break required a week's hospital stay and two corrective surgeries. Because I had been so deeply crushed when I didn't get the lead in the fall musical earlier that year, my high school drama coach chose a play specifically for me in the spring, Inherit the Wind. She called me while I was in the hospital and told me that I didn't even have to audition, but to let her know if I was going to do the show or not because she'd choose something else if I didn't. Even though it was an old-man part, it was a lead and in my vanity I snapped at it.

(As a side note, that was my last old-man role. In college I was cast in more age-appropriate roles, and then when I began acting professionally I was cast as children well into my thirties. I even played my fair share of romantic, leading roles. Still vain after all these years.)

Anyway, here's the part of the comment that really took the wind out of my sails:

"...That's why I'd like to make amends with you. I was a horrible person to you through high school. Part ignorance, part jealousy, and part competetiveness...and all centered on my low self-esteem. I dragged others down because I felt down.I certainly would not expect you to accept my apology, but I am offering it nonetheless. Without putting my name out there for all to see, let me just tell you that the names John Sether and Gibby mean as much to me as they do to you. And that I sometimes still find myself standing on stage balancing a book in each hand under a banner that says 'Read Your Bible.'"

If I remember correctly, there was a banner on stage of that production that read, "Read Your Bible." If I was really interested, I would dig up the year book to see.

The truth is I'm not. The comment takes me aback simply because for a split second I'm that awkward kid again, desperately wanting to be the romantic lead and having to settle for playing old men. I was an odd kid in high school, with an odd family situation, trying to grapple with all of that, while working out the gay demons. I had a circle of friends, but they weren't what you might call trust worthy. They were the people that I felt the least uncomfortable with. I did what I could to fit in and prayed that graduation would come so that I could move on with my life and put all of that behind me. Now, looking back at that time I recognize that it played a big part in who I became, both positively and negatively. My years in high school defined the world for me. It was tough, but I'm probably the better person for it.

But that description of high school could fit anyone. Hell, it probably fits everyone.

Because of the quirky little details, I'm choosing to accept the comment as legitimate. Recently I read another blog where the blogger received a similar comment. It's just possible that we were both the random recipients of someone's attempt to make himself feel better about how he treated someone else in his high school. Or maybe we're the victims of yet another high school-related joke.

So, as a little side comment to my personal commentator...Without really knowing who you are, consider your apology accepted. I'm no longer defined by my high school experience and don't look to those people anymore to validate me. I appreciate your well wishes and return them.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

When Bad People Happen to Good Companies

I think I can officially say it. I think I hate my boss, the COO. The final straw has been his million-dollar miscalculation in preparing next year's budget. His figures are being audited now, but if they turn out to be correct approximately ten percent of our employees stand to lose their jobs. There is an emergency meeting scheduled for January 3, and he had the NERVE to ask that it be rescheduled for the eighth so that his vacation would not be interrupted. Of course, he does not stand to be one of the people who will lose his job -- in fact, I might lose mine in his place. I'm not too worried about that. The CEO, for all the abuse he's heaped on me, just gave me a promotion and a raise. If I lose my job, he will help me find another.

What is just frosting my glass is the fact that my boss has all these unreasonable perks. He comes in at 9:30. Four days out of five, he's out of the office by 4:30. He produces absolutely nothing, and when a project is assigned to him, he passes it off to me. But, if I initiate something, he tells me to stop and let him do his job. Only to pass what I started off to someone else.

Today I took a look at the budget and suggested to the CFO that such executive perks as car allowances (no one drives for their job) and country club fees be cut from the budget before we fire someone. I got a note back saying such things were likely to stay in the budget, but she did agree to crunch some numbers to determine how much money we are actually talking about. Just from what I know, we're easily talking about well over $100,000.

If I was smart, I'd update my resume and start sending it out. But I'm going to see this one out to the bitter end. I will either walk away from this job financially comfortable, or I will lose it because other people are lazy, stupid, self-involved, selfish slobs.

Another Political Rant

The time has come for another political rant. I've been uncharacteristically quiet on the subject, especially in light of the November elections. Truth be told, I've been too busy with work, school, and chorus to breathe. I've simply had to trust that the universe would carry on without me.

But now, the proverbial straw has snapped the camel's back, and I feel it is absolutely my duty as a good citizen of the universe to speak out.

What's up with little LiLo?

On the surface, that might appear to be a frivolous question, but I really mean it. Miss Lohan and her cadre of "friends" are disturbing to a level that defies understanding. Generations past, when the nation was in crisis, did their part. Even entertainers took up the American cause and at the very least appeared to care about the other inhabitants in the world.

Lest anyone forget, we are at war. It is a war in which tens of thousands of people have been injured, maimed and killed. In World War II movie stars sold war bonds, did USO tours, and even rolled bandages. During the Vietnam conflict celebrities (there were no more movie stars) became vocal and active. No matter your opinion of Jane Fonda and her sexy splits on a contemporary weapon of mass destruction, at least she was participating as a conscientious citizen.

What is wrong with us that we tolerate, let alone salivate over Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Britney Spears, and their assorted boy toys. How can we as a society allow, let alone advertise the chemically enhanced shenanigans of these soulless publicity whores? Why hasn't a rabble of villagers chased them from the hills Beverly and drowned them in the sea? I believe that any good mother would have cheerfully done this at birth. Yet I cannot turn on my computer or pick up a newspaper without seeing the dilated pupils of these social monsters glaring back at me from the pages, pleading to be just left alone.

We are at a time when they cannot and should not be left alone. Though perhaps more extreme, LiLo is just a more vivid shade of her generation. As I get older, it seems people struggle to gain maturity by thirty. Wasn't there a time when children begged to be allowed to grow up? Wasn't thirteen at one time considered the age of adulthood? Legally, aren't we adults at eighteen? Why, now, are people infantile well into adulthood? And why, why, why do we celebrate it?

If there was ever a generation that cried, screamed, howled to be saved, this is it. Bring back the draft! Not in an effort to win an immoral war, but in an effort to save our national soul. And put Lindsay, Paris, Nicole, Britney, Kevin, Ashton, Jeremy and all of their kind on the front lines.

"Be Adequite." Could there be a more appropriate motto for a generation?