Today we had a special day-long rehearsal for the final concert of our season. The rehearsal was optional, and I'd say that about half of the guys who will be singing this final concert of the season were there. RP was there and he spent the entire day flirting with some insipid little twink. (I'm really not bitter.) But the crushing realization that I'm ant poop residue to THE ONLY MAN I'LL EVER LOVE has got me a little down.
Look, what fun is an adolescent crush if you can't indulge in a little hyperbole every now and then?
But, it's time to move on. How many times have I typed that?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The Best-Laid Plans...
So, this morning I haul my gelatinous ass out of bed to trudge (in the rain!) to the gym before work only to discover that it is closed for the next three days. Work and school leave room for little else. Combine this with a mild bout of flu that's been wafting through the office, and I've been virtually worthless the past week.
And at present work and school are competing for the spotlight in my life right now. This morning I have to have a difficult conversation with a senior manager and tell her she needs to step up to the plate...or not. And if she decides not, then she can expect to play a significantly diminished role in the future of the company. I've already had this conversation with my boss -- MY BOSS, for God's sake! The good news is that it was received in the spirit in which it was intended and he seems to be stepping up. Which should mean his employment is saved, but I'm smelling a demotion in the works. Then last night, I spent an hour with the CEO telling him that he needs to back off a bit. He challenged me, but I got him to concede some major points. But the major conversation I have to have is with a senior manager and tell him that he just can't do what he wants. I've been putting that one off, but the day of reckoning has arrived.
Example: The senior manager (SM) came into my office one day last week at 9:45 to tell me that he had a candidate for a job (that it turns out isn't even in his department) and that he wanted me to spend some time with him at 10:30. There was absolutely no discussion about my availability, but being the good HR person that I am, I shifted things around. At 10:30, said candidate arrived with resume in hand. I had exactly 16 minutes with this candidate -- just time enough to tentatively identify areas of performance that needed development -- when said SM barges into my office, RIPS THE RESUME FROM MY HANDS, and says that the CEO is available and said canidate was going to meet him. That was just the topper to a string of similar events.
The challenge for me in that meeting is to not go all ape-shit diva.
I love my job.
But a pre-work workout would have helped so much.
And at present work and school are competing for the spotlight in my life right now. This morning I have to have a difficult conversation with a senior manager and tell her she needs to step up to the plate...or not. And if she decides not, then she can expect to play a significantly diminished role in the future of the company. I've already had this conversation with my boss -- MY BOSS, for God's sake! The good news is that it was received in the spirit in which it was intended and he seems to be stepping up. Which should mean his employment is saved, but I'm smelling a demotion in the works. Then last night, I spent an hour with the CEO telling him that he needs to back off a bit. He challenged me, but I got him to concede some major points. But the major conversation I have to have is with a senior manager and tell him that he just can't do what he wants. I've been putting that one off, but the day of reckoning has arrived.
Example: The senior manager (SM) came into my office one day last week at 9:45 to tell me that he had a candidate for a job (that it turns out isn't even in his department) and that he wanted me to spend some time with him at 10:30. There was absolutely no discussion about my availability, but being the good HR person that I am, I shifted things around. At 10:30, said candidate arrived with resume in hand. I had exactly 16 minutes with this candidate -- just time enough to tentatively identify areas of performance that needed development -- when said SM barges into my office, RIPS THE RESUME FROM MY HANDS, and says that the CEO is available and said canidate was going to meet him. That was just the topper to a string of similar events.
The challenge for me in that meeting is to not go all ape-shit diva.
I love my job.
But a pre-work workout would have helped so much.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
...and now to sleep...
Just a few quick lines before I go to bed. The schedule these days is quite tight. These next three weeks will be nothing but work, school, work, school. Discipline, never my strong suit, will be the only thing that gets me through.
No fully-developed profound thoughts of late. In general, life is good. But when I get a little overwhelmed, I allow myself to slip into fantasy thoughts of RP. The truth of it is that RP doesn't really exist. He's almost completely a creation of my imagination with a face I've borrowed from reality. Yesterday a friend asked if I'd ever talk to the real RP. I said no, probably not. The fantasy would then be spoiled, no matter how terrific the real RP is. Best to leave this particular fantasy alone.
Ah, but how sweet it would be if RP could be real. In my madder moments I wonder if it might be worth the gamble. And at times when I'm stressed and under the gun, that's when I'm most likely to do something stupid.
I wonder if every person is allotted a number of truly stupid moves before he's granted complete bliss. If that's the case, trying to run from them is really the most stupid thing of all. Happiness will always be five thousand stupid moves away, and by not taking a risk you may prevent yourself five thousand awkward moments, but you virtually guarantee yourself being isolated from happiness.
Something to think about, I suppose. And if and when I'm ready to lose RP, I might take that risk. But for now, I'm enjoying slipping to the fantasy world too much.
No fully-developed profound thoughts of late. In general, life is good. But when I get a little overwhelmed, I allow myself to slip into fantasy thoughts of RP. The truth of it is that RP doesn't really exist. He's almost completely a creation of my imagination with a face I've borrowed from reality. Yesterday a friend asked if I'd ever talk to the real RP. I said no, probably not. The fantasy would then be spoiled, no matter how terrific the real RP is. Best to leave this particular fantasy alone.
Ah, but how sweet it would be if RP could be real. In my madder moments I wonder if it might be worth the gamble. And at times when I'm stressed and under the gun, that's when I'm most likely to do something stupid.
I wonder if every person is allotted a number of truly stupid moves before he's granted complete bliss. If that's the case, trying to run from them is really the most stupid thing of all. Happiness will always be five thousand stupid moves away, and by not taking a risk you may prevent yourself five thousand awkward moments, but you virtually guarantee yourself being isolated from happiness.
Something to think about, I suppose. And if and when I'm ready to lose RP, I might take that risk. But for now, I'm enjoying slipping to the fantasy world too much.
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