I re-auditioned for the chorus yesterday. A mere formality as even the weakest, most tone deaf are not turned away. The director told me that he was instituting a new policy and instituting a seating chart, grouping all of the strong voices together.
That means I'll probably be sitting next to RP.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Those Whom the Gods Would Destroy...
It was another tense week at work. Yesterday I was at my desk at 5:30 in the morning and did not leave the office until after 7:00. The centerpiece of the day was a six hour strategy meeting in which tempers flared and jobs were threatened. It was ugly.
The first half actually went pretty well. I was a little disappointed because a company model was being presented that had virtually been shot down two weeks earlier. But the CEO kept his cool and all was fine. Then lunch. After lunch it was my turn. I had been charged with determining staff reductions in the administrative areas. I basically proposed that none were needed at this time, that the staff was under utilized, and that if they were properly managed we simply would not need to add staff. It was tense, and the CFO, who is scrounging for pennies, was not happy, but I only got a few bruises. My pride was a little hurt, but no real fireworks.
Those came when the CFO proposed shutting down our biggest division. It generates the most revenue, but costs are out of control, it's grossly inefficient, and most of the staff of that division have a flagrant disregard for company policies. But it holds our single most valuable asset and the bottom line is we simply cannot flush it down the toilet.
The CEO stopped just short of calling the CFO an idiot (that came later, with me, behind closed doors). Then he went after my boss, the COO. When all was said and done everyone in the room stalked out in a huff, (leaving me to clean up - by the way).
The CEO got even more annoyed with me when I followed him into the office to make sure he was OK. "For the thousandth time," he said, "when I get angry it's with an objective in mind." I get that. What I can't seem to make him understand is that he only thinks he understands how his little outbursts effect people -- believing they motivate his staff in some way -- but he doesn't see the real damage they do to his team, both personally and professionally. And he's really not seeing the damage it's doing to his relationship with his team. We are at the point where he is creating a "me vs. them" scenario, and he's definitely squelching any creative thought or participation. Very shortly the team members are going to get the message that it's not safe to venture any ideas and that we are simply a rubber stamp for the CEO's brilliance.
The first half actually went pretty well. I was a little disappointed because a company model was being presented that had virtually been shot down two weeks earlier. But the CEO kept his cool and all was fine. Then lunch. After lunch it was my turn. I had been charged with determining staff reductions in the administrative areas. I basically proposed that none were needed at this time, that the staff was under utilized, and that if they were properly managed we simply would not need to add staff. It was tense, and the CFO, who is scrounging for pennies, was not happy, but I only got a few bruises. My pride was a little hurt, but no real fireworks.
Those came when the CFO proposed shutting down our biggest division. It generates the most revenue, but costs are out of control, it's grossly inefficient, and most of the staff of that division have a flagrant disregard for company policies. But it holds our single most valuable asset and the bottom line is we simply cannot flush it down the toilet.
The CEO stopped just short of calling the CFO an idiot (that came later, with me, behind closed doors). Then he went after my boss, the COO. When all was said and done everyone in the room stalked out in a huff, (leaving me to clean up - by the way).
The CEO got even more annoyed with me when I followed him into the office to make sure he was OK. "For the thousandth time," he said, "when I get angry it's with an objective in mind." I get that. What I can't seem to make him understand is that he only thinks he understands how his little outbursts effect people -- believing they motivate his staff in some way -- but he doesn't see the real damage they do to his team, both personally and professionally. And he's really not seeing the damage it's doing to his relationship with his team. We are at the point where he is creating a "me vs. them" scenario, and he's definitely squelching any creative thought or participation. Very shortly the team members are going to get the message that it's not safe to venture any ideas and that we are simply a rubber stamp for the CEO's brilliance.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Tick, Tock
So, I check in on a couple of blogs regularly. Two of them are written by people I know very casually. One of them just cracks me up. If what he's posting is intentionally funny, then the guy is a genius. But somehow I think not.
I first met "Jack" in chorus. He was my "orientation buddy." In the first nanosecond of acquaintance I was aware that I disappointed Jack in some way. His face fell. He was polite, but there was a slight possibility that I could have been reassigned to someone else and he tried to take it. But me, being me, wouldn't hear of it. I was assigned to Jack, and he was stuck with me.
As it turns out, Jack and I have a few things in common. We're both from Iowa, both grew up doing musicals... well that's really about it. He works in advertising -- I kid you not -- proudly writing the ad copy used in all that paper that clogs your mailbox. Oh, and he writes a blog. And truth to tell, it's a bit cloying, but he has an entertaining style.
The thing that just cracks me up about Jack is how vain he is. With very, very little justification for that vanity. His initial disappointment at our meeting had absolutely everything to do with my appearance. What else could he possibly have known about me? I don't know exactly what is wrong with my appearance in Jack's eyes, but I do not measure up. I suspect it's because I've committed the unpardonable sin of living past the age of 35 without being appropriately embarrassed by the fact.
During my first weeks with the chorus, I did everything I could think of let Jack know I wasn't interested in him other than to be my orientation buddy. I giggled at his bitchy comments about other people in the chorus -- and he had a lot of them. I oo-ed and ah-ed over his reports of progress in preparing for his first marathon. I complimented him on the pictures he brought of himself dressed in drag. All I wanted was to get to know him well enough that he would introduce me to other "ugly" people in the chorus, and then I could be rid of him.
When he completed his first marathon, I brought him a split of champagne. His response? "I don't drink." To which I took his hand, wrapped it around the bottle and said, "Wash your hair with it."
Then I turned and walked away, unproperly styled head held high.
Over the past two years, I've had rare occasions to smile and nod in his general direction. This summer I had to sing with him, and neither of us spoke to the other. I wouldn't say we share an active animosity, but I've gotten the message that I'm inferior, and I'm content with it. I see no need to try to prove myself worthy.
But I am enthralled by his blog. Now, I completely understand one's reluctance to post anything too personal on a random blog. And Jack's restraint really is commendable. There really isn't anything on the blog too embarrassing. He dithers on about his new condo and his ever-evolving love life. He hints at his slutty behavior that no one is supposed to really know about. Really, it all comes out of the "Being a Chicago A-Gay Wannabe Handbook." Why someone would actively cultivate an image that is being sported by every third queen on Halsted baffles me -- but since every second queen on Halsted is striving for this image, I'll concede there's something to it I don't understand. Except Jack's fascination with posting pictures of himself without his shirt. I'll also concede that Jack clearly spends a great deal of time exercising his body. I'd suggest that he modify his routine slightly -- he has an obsession with his arms. For a man of his age, he looks good. Not startling gorgeous, but good. But, at what age does posting semi-nude photos of yourself go from being silly and vain to creepy and desperate? I'm going to say 30. Up to 30, a man-boy can pull off being silly and vain and it can work. After that, it's time to be a grown up and lose the boy. Jack is 39 and demonstrates all the maturity of a cheerleader mom who hasn't gotten the message that the homecoming game is over.
Am I bitter? Perhaps. Mostly at being dismissed by someone so shallow. I consoled myself in high school with the mantra that when I grew up, people would be different. Turns out, their not. But as my social group ages -- and Jack is aging just like the rest of us -- that lack of evolution is very entertaining.
I first met "Jack" in chorus. He was my "orientation buddy." In the first nanosecond of acquaintance I was aware that I disappointed Jack in some way. His face fell. He was polite, but there was a slight possibility that I could have been reassigned to someone else and he tried to take it. But me, being me, wouldn't hear of it. I was assigned to Jack, and he was stuck with me.
As it turns out, Jack and I have a few things in common. We're both from Iowa, both grew up doing musicals... well that's really about it. He works in advertising -- I kid you not -- proudly writing the ad copy used in all that paper that clogs your mailbox. Oh, and he writes a blog. And truth to tell, it's a bit cloying, but he has an entertaining style.
The thing that just cracks me up about Jack is how vain he is. With very, very little justification for that vanity. His initial disappointment at our meeting had absolutely everything to do with my appearance. What else could he possibly have known about me? I don't know exactly what is wrong with my appearance in Jack's eyes, but I do not measure up. I suspect it's because I've committed the unpardonable sin of living past the age of 35 without being appropriately embarrassed by the fact.
During my first weeks with the chorus, I did everything I could think of let Jack know I wasn't interested in him other than to be my orientation buddy. I giggled at his bitchy comments about other people in the chorus -- and he had a lot of them. I oo-ed and ah-ed over his reports of progress in preparing for his first marathon. I complimented him on the pictures he brought of himself dressed in drag. All I wanted was to get to know him well enough that he would introduce me to other "ugly" people in the chorus, and then I could be rid of him.
When he completed his first marathon, I brought him a split of champagne. His response? "I don't drink." To which I took his hand, wrapped it around the bottle and said, "Wash your hair with it."
Then I turned and walked away, unproperly styled head held high.
Over the past two years, I've had rare occasions to smile and nod in his general direction. This summer I had to sing with him, and neither of us spoke to the other. I wouldn't say we share an active animosity, but I've gotten the message that I'm inferior, and I'm content with it. I see no need to try to prove myself worthy.
But I am enthralled by his blog. Now, I completely understand one's reluctance to post anything too personal on a random blog. And Jack's restraint really is commendable. There really isn't anything on the blog too embarrassing. He dithers on about his new condo and his ever-evolving love life. He hints at his slutty behavior that no one is supposed to really know about. Really, it all comes out of the "Being a Chicago A-Gay Wannabe Handbook." Why someone would actively cultivate an image that is being sported by every third queen on Halsted baffles me -- but since every second queen on Halsted is striving for this image, I'll concede there's something to it I don't understand. Except Jack's fascination with posting pictures of himself without his shirt. I'll also concede that Jack clearly spends a great deal of time exercising his body. I'd suggest that he modify his routine slightly -- he has an obsession with his arms. For a man of his age, he looks good. Not startling gorgeous, but good. But, at what age does posting semi-nude photos of yourself go from being silly and vain to creepy and desperate? I'm going to say 30. Up to 30, a man-boy can pull off being silly and vain and it can work. After that, it's time to be a grown up and lose the boy. Jack is 39 and demonstrates all the maturity of a cheerleader mom who hasn't gotten the message that the homecoming game is over.
Am I bitter? Perhaps. Mostly at being dismissed by someone so shallow. I consoled myself in high school with the mantra that when I grew up, people would be different. Turns out, their not. But as my social group ages -- and Jack is aging just like the rest of us -- that lack of evolution is very entertaining.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
This Too Shall Pass...
I am emotionally exhausted. Without sharing all of the boring details, I had a minor meltdown at work this past week. No blood was let and shockingly all relationships seem to be stronger than ever. Still, I need to find a way to ask for what I need before there is a crisis.
I guess the big news is that tomorrow my boss is going to be asked to take a six-month sabbatical. He'll have twenty-four hours to accept the invitation. There really isn't an alternative. Much change needs to take place within the organization, which means as much as a third of the staff needs to be removed or changed, and my boss is not emotionally equipped to make the changes needed. Many of the people who need to be let go are almost like family to him, having worked together for more than twenty years, and the dread of having to be involved in those separations has him paralyzed. The list hasn't been finalized yet, but since he cannot be objective, and has demonstated his inertia repeatedly, he will be asked to step aside.
This, of course, means that I will be more intimately involved in these changes than I would like. But, it isn't anything I haven't been through before. And as in the other situations, there will be one or two cases that I will actually enjoy. Several of the people have lived very comfortably without really contributing accordingly to the general good of the organization; and they've gotten quite smug with the idea that they are untouchable. Now, understand, I have very little input in the final decisions, but I have been asked my opinion and of the twenty-three names on the list, I've only objected to three. I anticipate the final toll to be about twelve. October 15 is the projected date.
As almost an afterthought, school is going well. Summer sessions are brutal as they are full classes crammed into half the time. The workload is brutal and I have two major projects due this week. The first is nearly completed, but the second is barely begun and I have almost no interest in beginning it. The past four weeks have been simply work, school and sleep. If I wasn't able to pay my bills online, I'd be homeless. I'm stealing these few minutes to update my devoted readers and prevent them from sending out bloodhounds in search of me.
My next post, God willing, should be a celebration from academia!
I guess the big news is that tomorrow my boss is going to be asked to take a six-month sabbatical. He'll have twenty-four hours to accept the invitation. There really isn't an alternative. Much change needs to take place within the organization, which means as much as a third of the staff needs to be removed or changed, and my boss is not emotionally equipped to make the changes needed. Many of the people who need to be let go are almost like family to him, having worked together for more than twenty years, and the dread of having to be involved in those separations has him paralyzed. The list hasn't been finalized yet, but since he cannot be objective, and has demonstated his inertia repeatedly, he will be asked to step aside.
This, of course, means that I will be more intimately involved in these changes than I would like. But, it isn't anything I haven't been through before. And as in the other situations, there will be one or two cases that I will actually enjoy. Several of the people have lived very comfortably without really contributing accordingly to the general good of the organization; and they've gotten quite smug with the idea that they are untouchable. Now, understand, I have very little input in the final decisions, but I have been asked my opinion and of the twenty-three names on the list, I've only objected to three. I anticipate the final toll to be about twelve. October 15 is the projected date.
As almost an afterthought, school is going well. Summer sessions are brutal as they are full classes crammed into half the time. The workload is brutal and I have two major projects due this week. The first is nearly completed, but the second is barely begun and I have almost no interest in beginning it. The past four weeks have been simply work, school and sleep. If I wasn't able to pay my bills online, I'd be homeless. I'm stealing these few minutes to update my devoted readers and prevent them from sending out bloodhounds in search of me.
My next post, God willing, should be a celebration from academia!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
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